Sorry bigots, but your stupid retarded lame excuses in defending those bans did not hold water in court. And no, judges are not impressed with your theories of gay men secreting demons during sex either.
But the Supreme Court's "fuck you" has had a few effects on other states as well. Here's what's going on with gay marriage so far all across the good ole' USA:
- Utah, Wisconsin, Indiana, Virginia, Oklahoma, Indiana: Their appeals were given the "fuck you" by the Supreme court and lower court rulings allowing for homos, dykes, queers, lesbos, gays, bi's, bears, twinks, heteroflexibles, bros and brahs, the ability to marry each other in wedded bliss. So same-sex marriage is the "law of the land" motherfuckers regardless of any teabagger conservative heads exploding and spraying brain matter all over the place - their brain matter is meaningless to us (if they actually posses any such matter at all). However there are reports that are few counties in Indiana are being a bunch of dicks and still not issuing marriage licenses, from what I hear this will be fixed within the coming days.
- Idaho: Gay potatoes are still not able to marry there. The 9th Circuit Court of Appeals has finally ruled that gay marriage bans in Idaho and Nevada are bullshit and have struck them down. However Justice Kennedy, a judge on the Supreme Court, is entertaining an appeal from the fuck-heads in Idaho and has placed a hold on gay marriages in the state. Fucking sucks, but we will see by the end of the week if this will be a more forever hold or not.
- Nevada: Elvis Presley impersonators are practicing their lines as a cue of gay couples are waiting on their drive-thru windows of the so "lavish" Liberace-isk wedding chapels and the white tigers at Caesar's Palace are posing on their Facebook page for the Friday night gay wedding specials that would make any bear roar with excitement. But still, after several green lights, red lights, yes, noes and maybes, the Las Vegas marriage bureau is holding off on marrying homos until clearer direction from the state is given as there is mass confusion as to whether or not Justice Kennedy's order applies to Nevada (even though he already stated in a separate order that "no, this order does not cover Nevada bitches, gays can now get married by Elvis Presley, just make sure they tip him accordingly - don't be stingy now, you gays have all that extra income I keep reading about."). I suspect all of this would be fixed in the coming days or as early as tomorrow.
- Alaska: A lawsuit is pending there and the judge has scheduled a hearing this week and it is likely he is going to say "fuck it" by the end of the week and apply the appeals court ruling (because appeals court ruling are superior to the puny ones given by district judges, even if this judge wanted to rule against gay marriage he cannot anymore). So gay Eskimos start planning that igloo wedding you been dreaming about!
- Arizona: My current state of residence - Hell on Earth Arizona. Since people here are so slow and lazy we're not expecting a ruling until a few days out. Lawsuits are pending and I heard that a federal judge will now be applying the same appeals court ruling (because Hell on Earth is also part of the same appeals court) and will strike down the gay marriage ban here any time soon. It could be as early as tomorrow or the latest next week. Here in Hell on Earth Arizona we have a tendency to lose track of time. Heck there are people here (I'm not kidding now) that didn't even know that 1) gay marriage is banned 2) the supreme court has legalized gay marriage in more states.
- Kansas: A state judge has told a county there to start marrying homos ASAP. So far as of the time of this post that county is still allowing gays to tie the knot. Yes, we're still in Kansas folks. And Yes, the teabaggers are still in office there fucking things up. Sorry Dorothy that Tornado was just a bad dream after eating all of those burritos for dinner. But last I heard that a scary bitchy witch is trying to stop gay marriages in the county and a stay by a higher court is likely. If you are gay and want to get gay married (cough - Dorothy) you will need to start up the Chevy and head on over to clerk's office before they shut er' down (or a tornado blows the office away).
- Wyoming: A lawsuit is pending in state court and it appears that the judge is taking his sweet time. Don't expect anything here until at least a couple of weeks.
- Missouri: State officials have decided not to appeal a court ruling mandating that they recognize gay marriages from other states. So if you are married somewhere else your gay marriage will be recognized by the state. The issue of marrying gays in the state is still pending.
- Colorado: The Supreme Court of the state has ordered that all county clerks start marrying them gays. All counties are now marrying gays, even in South Park where I hear that Satan's wedding was super-fabulous!
- South Carolina: A state judge has agreed to accept marriage applications from gay couples. However, some dicks from the state are now trying to stop him. So John McCain and Lindsay Graham should hold off from sampling wedding cakes until this is settled.
- North Carolina: A federal judge is expected to apply an appeals court ruling legalizing gay marriage in the coming days, and the state's attorney general has given all the clerks a heads up to get ready for homo-nuptials.
- West Virginia: A federal judge is also expected to rule in favor of gay marriage in the coming days.
All the other states have lawsuits pending and are awaiting review and rulings by their respective appeals court.
I will be following this story as it unfolds. Meanwhile start checking your inbox for those wedding invites.
