Cheesy hypocrites of Indiana

And so we're back to this: please don't offend my religious sensitivities. We're back to the bullshit nonsense of catering and bowing down to the fantasies and insecurities of religio-fetishists.

In France we told Muslims that offending them with depictions of their delusional prophet was something to be expected because, as a rule, religion and religious beliefs are not sacred and religious fetishists should stop pretending that their beliefs are some sort of beautiful virgin with a chastity lock with chain over her snatch while heterosexual men with raging boners be damned. I would say that religious beliefs are no where near close to a beautiful woman, virgin or otherwise. Beliefs are a matter of perception not reality.

With that we told these pesky Muslims to shut it. The freedom to offend the religious is something so special, even more valuable than a 5 piece chicken McNugget meal for 99 cents at McD's. It was worth the blood of arrogant chain-smoking French assholes who drew some very funny cartoons.

Yup, we all agreed: liberals, libertarians, and even the teabaggers of America of the conservative bowel movement.

I was a young pre-teen when I noticed something strange about people, particularly those who tend to have the asshole embedded in their DNA. It was the schizo-paradoxical super jerk-off hypocrisy of these people that baffled me at times. Locked in my tweeny memories we have an overgrown Baby Huey type older cousin of mine who hates cheese and cannot stand it. My mother would go out her way to make him enchiladas without cheese (how does that work? fuck should I know) just for Captain Special. And this would be the thing. "Ey Tia, No queso pleeeezze..."

I rolled my eyes every time he would do such a thing so much that it left me with a heavy persistent debilitating vertigo condition. You see once I caught the son of a bitch at the mall eating pizza with this girl he was boning and her friends. Pizza with cheese. Very cheesy it was. Since then I call him cheese-head.

And speaking of cheesy hypocrisy, what about those same schizos in Indiana who not long ago demanded that the right to offend religious beliefs in France but are now demanding that gays refrain from offending them with their awful requests for wedding cakes?

The moral of all this is what exactly?

Hypocrisy is indicative of a person who refuses to be an adult. And the other thing is that these teabaggers, whether Muslim or Christian or what-have-you, are not demanding "freeeeeedooooom" of religion. They are demanding that those of us grounded in reality and who do not suffer from their same fetish be disconnected from any sense of logic. Meaning if you seek honesty and consistency: you're not welcome in Indiana.

Fucking cheese-heads.

A meltdown at a bakery in Indiana

Baker: Now serving number 12.

Heterosexual couple: a chocolate wedding cake please.

Baker: (hands them the wedding cake) Here you go, that'll be 75.00 please.

Heterosexual couple pays and leaves.

Baker: Now serving number 13.

Homosexual couple: The chocolate cake you sold that couple was nice, we would like one of those please.

CUE EVIL MUSIC

Baker: Nope, sorry.

Homosexual couple: Why not? Are you out of chocolate wedding cakes?

Baker: No. You are participating in a lifestyle that is against my religious beliefs. Sorry. Jesus loves you!

Homosexual couple: But. But. But...

Baker pulls her hair out in a fit rage: Aaaaahhh! Stop FORCING ME! Aggghhh! You're shoving your gayness down my throat!!!! Aggghh!

Homosexual couple: All we wanted was a chocolate wedding cake. (one of them points to the display case with a chocolate wedding cake already made)

Baker: Help! Help! Help! I am being held captive by militant homosexualist activists and their demand of chocolate wedding cakes at a bakery! HELP! HEEEELLLPPP!

Homosexual couple (looking confused): What are you talking about?

Baker: YOU'RE FORCING ME TO PARTICIPATE IN YOUR SINFUL SODOMITE BASED MARRIAGE! YOU ARE INFRINGING ON MY FIRST AMENDMENT RIGHT TO FREAK OUT! BWAAAAH!

Homosexual couple: What? Oh. No. It's not for us. It's for Aunt Tilda's wedding. She's getting married tomorrow.

Baker: To a maaaaannn?

Homosexual couple: Yup, nice guy. It's her fifth marriage. She's Catholic and he's a Jew. We finally convinced them to marry after catching them fornicating many times. And I think the groom is already married. LOL. These adulterers I tell you.

Baker: Oh, in that case. Phew. (Hands them a chocolate wedding cake) For a minute there I thought I was going to have to be FORCED to sanction something that is totally against Bible!

THE HOMOPHOBE DUNGEON: Mike Huckabee blathers on about gays. alcoholism, and other sins

Mike Huckabee has now officially earned prestigious residence at the all exclusive HOMOPHOBE DUNGEON. Congrats Mike!

The Huckster went on CNN to explain his opposition to gay-anything by comparing being gay to alcoholism and other lifestyle perversions that rightous Christians like himself merely "disagree" with.

ON THE TUBES: Aaron and Austin come out to their dad.

A Youtubes video has become viral on the internets featuring gay twins Aaron and Austin coming out to their dad. Even though dad was on the shitter hearing his twin sons bare their hearts out to him he was able to play it cool.

His "que sera que sera" attitude and his unwavering support for his gay sons made him an overnight sensation and he even ended up with the twins on the Ellen Show.

The NFL gets deflated with deflate-gate

The NFL is not finished in astonishing the world with its arrogance as a so-called "professional" league/sport while being total dicks. From homophobia to child and wife beating, this next controversy is no doubt a great metaphor of how the league's image is deflating in front of our eyes:

WATCH: New footage of Charlie Hebdo attacks

This is new footage of the Charlie Hebdo attacks. Muslim ammo-sexual terrorists get big guns out and start shooting people due to a pantie twist that has made their anuses uncomfortable.